Journal from Kenya/Uganda

July 2006

I'm on a plane to Kenya via Amsterdam. I am physically and emotionally worn out, and the journey has just begun. I've been feeling a little displaced, a little strange, and a little not myself lately. I think it's important for me to realize that for the last 7 weeks, I really haven't had any kind of consistency at all. I just returned from a wonderful, but exhuasting trip to Kenya and Rwanda, went to Colorado for Alyssa's wedding, and am basically heading right back over the Atlantic Ocean, where I just was 2 1/2 weeks ago.

I realize that the two emotions that I've been feeling lately are fear and loneliness. It's disturbing to go home to Colorado and feel alone. It's not anyone's fault, it was something within me that was making it difficult for me to relate and to connect with people. And it made me so sad. What am I afriad of? Being lonely. Being out of control with my job. Traveling to Africa. Full body and heart burn out. Failing. Losing touch with people. Carrying the responsibilities by myself. The weekend in CO was way too packed with so many pieces of my past mixed with my present and I couldn't handle it. It had me mourning the memories because they were memories and not present realities. There's just so much to love and experience and as I move on, I have to say goodbye to other parts of my life. So, I felt that very acutely, and now I'm forty-some thousand feet in the air flying over this big ocean, to a bigger continent and I'm going to simply have to accept being weaker than normal. At least I was able to score an empty seat next to me, so I can stretch out...

...Oh dear, I spoke too soon about the empty seat. Okay, so there's this sweet old nun sitting across the aisle from me and I know she's uncomfortable. I REALLY want these two seats so I can spread out and sleep, but apparently the seats aren't for me; they're for her. So that's what I'm about to do. Though my heart feels like rocks...

July 15

It was good to give my seat up for Sister Margaret, a 77 year-old Pennsylvania native who has lived in a Nairobi convent for the last 55 years. She just had knee surgery and definitely appreciated the extra room. We talked a lot on the plane. She nurtured my soul. It's like God put an angel next to me on this flight. I will be visiting her each time I come to Nairobi so that we can be together.

July 17

We had a full day yesterday as we woke early to catch breakfast and a flight to Kisumu. The arrival to Kisumu was fun because Fred, Omondi and Japolo had come to pick us up. It was such a joy to see them again. They are so welcoming, too, of our new visitors. The drive was long and we all felt a bit jet lagged, but it was fun to see Kenya through the eyes of those who are with me. The girls have never been outside of the US, so this was certainly new for them. I'm really thankful that I got to drive next to Fred. It was good to connect with him and tell him more about Blood:Water and talk about some opportunities in supporting the clinic. He talked about how much it meant to him that the band had viewed Lwala so positively. I'm excited that he's moving to Nashville for medical school - I believe it will make these relationships in Lwala that more authentic.



So we arrived in Lwala to receive warm greetings from dear friends. It does feel as though Lwala is a second home, and I'm so thankful for it. We danced, played volleyball, caught up with one another, and enjoyed each other's company for hours.



We were outside playing until the rain became heavy and the sun went down. There was an incredible storm going on with outrageous shapes of lightning across the black sky with half a rainbow in the background. The guys pulled out their guitars (we brought 5 of them to Lwala) and started teaching Omondi, Grace and Japolo the "D" and "G" chords. They're obsessed with "God Will Lift Up Your Head," so Steve gave me the easy version chords before I left.



Caitlin, Abbie and i joined Dada, Olga and Flo in making chapati by the fire. Oh, that was after Japolo taught me how to milk a cow. That is NOT easy. I got like 2 squirts out of one tit and that was about it. We stayed up for dinner and sat around for a while, with Apiyo on my lap. I think everyone had a good first day. I am sad, though, that I'm always just a visitor. Everyone asked about "the Jars of Clay" and I could tell they missed them. Abbie said that Apiyo wouldn't stop crying the last time we left.

I'm feeling okay. I'm happy to be here, and I hope my guests are honoring to everyone here, and that they have an amazing time. I hope I can just soak in the day and enjoy it, and not feel like every moment has to have purpose or work behind it. God will lead me where He desires today. I can be confident of that, whether it looks like a ton of activity or none at all. I'm thankful to be here. I pray that God will direct, protect and guide our days in Kenya and Uganda...