I am not God

I keep living as though I am God. I keep believing that I am more powerful and influential than I really am. I keep trying to be perfect, to be blameless, to be responsible FOR others, to be more important than I really am. I stress over work and leadership as if it were all up to me. I keep building myself through books, study, practice and mentorship - with the sole belief that it's up to me to become better and as close to perfect as I can. I realize that when I worry about my leadership, I look to myself to get better. When I feel overwhelmed or paralyzed or afraid, I carry the weight alone.

I do not run to Jesus. I do not trust Him with the burdens. I do not entrust Him with my life when I am holding so tightly to it. I think, though, that if I truly believed the work that I am doing was God's work - I'd come to Him about it. I have got to share the load - not just the burdens and struggles, but also the successes and joys. I repent. I am wrong and sinful in living in such a way that I have kept God, my Father and Creator, the One who can deliver me from fear and who can pour strength into me - I have kept Him away by ignoring and neglecting Him. When I recognize this, there is such relief and excitment in sharing my day with God, in allowing Him to hold my hand and walk me through the day, in talking with him about big decisions, in letting him lead me accordingly. I have had confidence only in myself, but I can't imagine how much more confident in Christ I become. It was a lie that I believed, but I hope to embrace the truth now.